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I left her house.  It was too much to take.  He was drunk and screaming and boasting proudly of his defeat.  It made me sick.  So I left.  Rode the beach streets in search of something free; anything.  Food, smiles, clothes, something to make me clear.  I found a party, and my coworker was there.  She drunkenly entertained me, and it happened.  He leaned against the house.  He spoke clearly.  His hair was dark, his skin was white, and his eyes were glowing.  Darling.  We rode through the night, all night.  Met an intellectual bum who taught us of mechanics.  He took me to his place and he made me oatmeal.  It was delicious.  He was delicious when he slept.  I snuck in bed with him.  I touched his hair.  And licked his eye lashes.
 
 
 
 
 
 
In my hands there is nothing  I had it all, and the devil bit it
I', gone, you fuck, you took it all and with my fist you'll lose it all
to my fist
youll lose your breath
I'm going to ball up your neck
and squeezwesqueeeeze
it to death.
 
 
 
 
 
 
Last night,
I was scratching the itch that only a dick could scratch.
We kissed,
And that was just enough to seal our problems with a patch.
But...
tonight-
Other-He wouldn't dare look me straight in the eye
And..I
Gave his friends' the eye because why waste an eye who on shies  when I NEED THAT SHIT TO CRY
OH WHY WONT YOU JUST LOOK INTO ME..
I made
A deal to get away, but between the boys I guess I'll stay
Until one makes a fool out of me.
Can't wait!
Because on this rock that I have stayed the seas of cum fill my throat to
death and
Without a boat I shall breathe my last
breath and
The duo-seas shall SOON devour me!

But there's a man
Who's not quite mine,
I think of him
ALL the time
He's got fine hair
That is his skin
WIth that
 great
GREAT smile
He worked right in
He's in-to me
I'm in-to him
I can't wait for
for
this to begin "What?"
The two of us...
I can squiggle out of the sandwich
"Us?"
"Us"
The two of us
Mmm
What fun.
 
 
 
 
 
 
One month of loyal dating, and another dedicated to playing..
Today it ends...yes it ends
I don't know what I want
But I see here what I got....I got fucked before
I was caught.
I sent a text to the one I love
I said, "I don't want to see you anymore."
He says: "ok"
1 down.
2 weeks I've watched the decline,
And last night he wouldn't kiss me
And fucked me from behind.
Today, this morning, I said,
"I'm going to go"
He shook his head and mumbled, "No."
I kissed his cheek
His face STILL covered in blood
From when he went down on me
And he was too drunk to know
that I was on my period, and because I knew that
This is the end;
I let the fool lick over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over..
Until around 4, actually.  He just fell asleep.
& that was the last time
the very very last time
that we'll meet.
It's peculiar,
to watch
What happens to the careless when
They're ass is on the line
Today, I know what happened to mine.


Woke up!
 
 
 
 
 
 
Going in for the kill
He asked, "Are you real?"
Of course I"m real, I'm here, I'm here, aren't I?
Asked, "Are you for real?"
Well, What I want,
I get,
Yes, I am for real
So just stand really..really still
I'm going to stick you
Stick to you
With the glues of our bodies:
Blood and cum
Blum,
Uhm..
Are you..into me?
Do you...want me?
Want to get in me..
Send me
The memo
By pigeon or foot,
I'll fuck
Shit this took,
Waaay too long.
"What?"
Us!
You and I!
Took too long to meet!
The dance!
The cheese!
All the flirt!
Please,
just undress and I wont
Feel cheap,
And neither will you,
Just satisfied
Finally,
you'll be satisfied.
 
 
 
 
 
 
Well on his lunch, he came over for sex, loveless and hard.  And the entire time, THE ENTIRE TIME I imagined him to be someone else; the Birthday Boy.  Oh Happyhappy Birthday, Oh!  Happyhappy Birthday!  My gift to you is I put your mask on my lover and I fucked him better than ever, I pretended he was you, Oh what a better gift than A D M I R A T I O N!
 
 
 
 
 
 
I've been placed between deception and loyalty.  I haven't quite fucked outside of the relationship, but I haven't quite kept good.  But..
I don't care.
And,
I do what I'd like
So..
I spent the night wording sex talk with a man,
and
I am so eager to fuck right now,
but not my lover,
No desire for him,
I just want to fuck the man who is so sure of himself.  I want to get done really, REALLY hard from the back, and stain his sheets that I haven't seen yet. 
He's touching himself right now, and he's thinking of me.
 
 
 
 
 
 
I didn't even care when you came in!  You were just a skinny white boy, and you were busy on the phone.  No interest...not at all.  You said, "I called."  I said, "Oh yeah."  You needed to break your chain.  Okay.  I took it back, and that was that.  You called a second later, and gave me your number, but I just thought...well, I don't know, because you snuck into me, and now you've consumed me, and I'm willing to fuck a years work for a guy who wont exist in this year's fall.  I want to fuck you, to put it bluntly.  I want to fuck your body really hard.  I want to lick your white crevices.  Shit.  I do.  I want you.  I don't want to be in your mix, but I want to be around until your gone.  I want to FUCK a year's work to fuck you for eight months.  I want to fuck five years of promise to suck YOUR dick.  I don't even like sucking dick.  I want to SUCK your small, Irish dick and have your white drip down my black and down my throat so I can piss it; look between my legs while I'm seated and say, "I'm pissing him."  I want you to build my bike.  I want to watch you.  I want you to make it as well as you made yours.  I want to ride with you.  And ride you.  I want to sweat with you.  I want you to sweat on me, on Mondays, and Tuesdays, and I don't want my mom to know, or my grandmother, but I want your friends to know, and I don't want you to tell them that I am just a fuck.  I want you to like me.  I like you.  I met you once.  I keep fucking up, but it's always okay, because I'm always with a loser.  I will fuck over this year's loser for you, though he loves me genuinely.  I love him, too.  I don't love you, I want to hold you.  I want you to push me away because you've got to go.  You're a real person, the first.  I don't want you to know about him, but if you come by tomarrow, I'll tell you, but I'll say, "We're on rocky ground."  I don't know if that hints, but I hope you aren't offended. I WANT TO FUCK YOU WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK!  I WANT TO FUCK YOUR DRUNK DICK!  God, it has been a week, and I've seen you once, and I can't remember your face.  I know that it is white, and I want you to eat my vagina.  I want the lights on so I can see, I want to fuck you on a bike, it is impossible but I-I want to fuck you in the snow.  I want to fuck you when I'm on the slopes.  I suck, so I'll be laid out..most of the time. I want you to fall on me, and I want to start fucking right then and there.  I want him to see us.  I want him to cry, and I want him to hit me and I want you to say, "Don't hurt her."  Then I want to give you my smirk and say, "I always cared, but you were right, I'm leaving you for a fixie."
 
 
 
 
 
 
     In this day, I'm hard at work.  Job.  Creation.  My sandwich!  Where is it?  Ahh...here.  Montage.  Calls.  The novel.  Four poems.  Two paragraphs.  Write.  A wrong.  A dog.  My dog.  Going bald.
....
.....
....
.....
....
....
Hard at work, on a Friday morning, and yet....I can't work, I can just lurk and try to discover.    
 
 
 
 
 
 
I worked at The Loved Dog for a while and quit recently along side about 6 others in the month of December.  Though many believe that their dogs were neglected, the fact of the matter is everyone who worked and works there (I'm not too sure about the new people) actually work their asses off to protect your dog.  No one ever hurt the dogs.  I hated the job-we hate(d) the job, but loved dogs, just not the people and conditions we worked for.  We loved the dogs, and NEVER hurt them.  We alll did.  We all have literally thrown ourselves on the floor to protect dogs, rescue dogs, prevent accidents, but there are waaaaaay too many dogs.  There are oh so many, and you will never know what it is like until you've worked in such an environment.  The stench was a huge problem to many, so I've read, the fact of the matter is..yes, it stinks, there are alot of dogs..so it stinks.  That smell!?  It doesn't go away, and it's dreadful.  6 long hours with that smell, you start to not smell it, to be honest.  The feces and pee, well, once again, there are too many dogs, and they usually pee and poop at the same time.  One or two people trying to take care of 5 piles, 3 puddles, a whining dog, and several dogs that shouldn't be there seriously makes a person go mad.  On the subject of dogs that shouldn't be there, during my employment, there was a manager change.  We lost one, and gained two-one who knows nothing about dogs-absolutely nothing, was only hired because she's Israeli, just like Tamar, and another who loves dogs, is overly friendly, but is way more concerned about image than quality, and EMPLOYEE WELLBEING.  She told me once, "We need this place to look good first and foremost, because it needs to be as fabulous as Tamar."  This became apparent when the upstairs "lounge" was being painted while the dogs were still in the room.  I heard from a fellow employee that the paint made were lightheaded, and she suggested that the dogs be moved if they are going to paint.  The manager insisted it was not a big deal.  She moved them to the overnight room regardless for the dogs wellbeing.  The airconditioning and heating issue-the thing is, management is unconcerned with it if it can't be seen by a client.  Summer was so fucking hot, and the airconditioning upstairs was broken.  It did not get fixed for about a half a month.  On the note of the greedy Tamar Gellar-she's ridiculous.  All my time working there, she had never spoken a word to me, and I saw her sooo many times, she'd stare at me, and walk away.  As for her method-the method WE NEVER USED-actually, I never even knew what the method was, something about non-aggressive?  It would work if 1. there weren't 100 dogs at a time and 2. If we didn't permit dogs that SHOULD NOT BE AROUND OTHERS.  Basically, we accepted a dog a day that should not be around other dogs, and no matter how much staff complained, managers refused-it was always about the money.  WE accepted vicious dogs; dogs that we would have to lock away to protect others for 6 hours!  I pleaded so many times about nervous dogs, aggressive dogs-dogs just not suitable for that environment-they always insisted it was alright.  Money.  Money that employees never saw-can you believe that we worked for $8.50 an hour!?  And it's a wonder why staff seems so unfriendly.  Pay..just terrible.  And to top it off, new people were hired at $9.00.  Management eventually had to raise the wage-but mine wasn't raised until 2 months later, I had to demand it from the ridiculous accountant.  Also, there are no benefits.  None.  It is unbelievable how that works.  This is the main reason why everyone quit.  It's not fair.  No matter  what, employees wont get paid (other doggie daycares pay 10 dollars and up! With benefits).  I've seen this place spiral downward, and there is nothing the employees can do.  Those who read this-it's up to you, because when the employees aren't happy, things can't be the best.  Also, there needs to be a damand to fire the fools who think image overrules wellbeing, it just doesn't work in that kind of place!